Through the Years
by 0RamblingRose0
Summary: Since she was a child, Tonks had a fancy for Remus... But would he ever see her as anything other than a five year old? Lupin-Tonks w implied Lupin-Evans
1. Chapter 1

Title: Though the years  
Author: LupinLovesTonks  
Rated: PG13-R  
Warnings: Contains language and some sexual situations and innuendo  
Summary: She had known him since she was a small child... and dreamed of the day she might be able to marry him... But, would Remus Lupin ever grow to see Nymphadora Tonks as more than the little five year old that would follow him and Sirius around?

* * *

Chapter One  
Hero Worship

* * *

"She's a jot annoying but we have to put up with her, yeah," Sirius was saying. "She bloody worships the magical ground I walk on." He jumped on top of a fallen tree and jumped off on the other side. "Auntie thinks she'll help me learn to be more responsible."

"I do not worship you!" she huffed, trying to get her small legs to keep up with the two teenage boys walking ahead of her. "I could be playing with my other friends... I can... I can... be... be... going on my _own_ adventures. I don't need you two to bring me with ya, I can have adventures too."

"Then why are you still following us?" His friend called over his shoulder, laughing. The boy turned around and walked backwards. "Since you can have your own adventures, go have them."

She stopped and sniffled slightly. Sirius' friend, Remus, stopped and grabbed hold of Sirius' cloak. She was confused as to why they wouldn't want to play with her, all her friends thought she was fun to play with. Why didn't they?

Remus knelt down to her level and roughed up her hair. "It's not that we don't like playing with you Nymphy. You're just too little to play the game we like. But if you think you're big enough to play with us, that's fine but don't cry when you get hurt." He took her hand and stood up. "Come along."

"Softy," Sirius scoffed. "Next thing you know you'll be carrying her on your shoulders."

"No, I won't Sirius," Remus huffed. However, within ten minutes, he had the five year old on his shoulders. While Sirius teased Remus for being a 'softy', Remus simply shrugged and said, "I like kids mate. I may never be able to have any of my own so, I like catering to them any chance I get."

"You don't have any little sisters?" Nymphadora asked. Remus shook his head. "Why not?"

Remus was quiet for a long moment. "Mum and Dad had their hands full with me," he said quietly.

"Why?"

"Because he's a werewolf Nymphadora," Sirius snorted.

"Why?"

"Because I got bit by one when I was a little younger than you," Remus replied.

"Why?"

"Shut up Nymphadora or we'll feed ya to the pixies," Sirius threatened.

"What's it mean about being a werewolf Remy?" Nymphadora asked innocently, ignoring Sirius. The five year old had heard about werewolves from her mother but didn't really understand what they were and why her mum had told her to be careful about them.

"Well," Remus laughed slightly. "It means that every full moon I turn into a big bad wolf and eat bunnies."

Nymphadora gasped. "Why do you eat bunnies?" she asked, playing with a spot on Remus' hair that was several shades lighter than the rest of his hair. "Why don't you eat badgers? They're mean and need to be eatten."

Both of the teenagers laughed but didn't answer.

"Mum says most werewolves are dangerous. Does that mean you're dangerous Remy?" Nymphadora asked after a long while.

"Only on the full moon. But your mum knows me good, and she knows Sirius wouldn't be around me if I was overly dangerous. So, that's why she says _most_ of them are dangerous I suppose," Remus chuckled.

"So you're a good werewolf?"

Remus nodded slightly and did his best to look up at her. "Yeah, I'm a good werewolf, Nymphy so you don't have to be scared of me."

"That mean you can keep the monsters away?" she asked. He nodded slightly and she gave him a quick kiss on the forehead.

Sirius erupted with laughter. "I think my little cousin fancies you, Remus," he joked. "When's the wedding?"

"Oh, stuff it," Remus scoffed. "She's just a kid."

888

"Remy... Sirius..." the small voice whined. "Wake up... _peas_ wake up..."

Both of the boys groaned and told the little girl to go back to her room before rolling over and trying to go back to sleep. She scurried over and shook Remus' arm.

"But - but, there's monsters in my room. I need to sleep in here."

Sirius was the first to offer to share his bed, but was grumbling under his breath about "stupid kids." Nymphadora simply pursed her lips.

"No," she huffed. "The monsters won't be scared of _you_. You're not a werewolf."

Sirius pulled his covers back up to his chin and settled back in his bed. "Fine then sleep with Remus," he snarled. "Bloody... Merlin... fucking... gods blessed!"

Remus opened one sleepy eye and barely pulled his covers back. Nymphadora smiled brightly and scurried into his bed. She snuggled up next to him. "Just remember, if the monsters come in here, make sure you tell them you eat bunnies..."

Remus yawned loudly. "A'right... bunnies... I... eat bunnies..."

Sirius spat a couple of curses before snoring came from his bed again.

Nymphadora tugged on the ends of Remus' hair slightly. He opened one eye and looked at her. "Can I marry you one day?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because," Remus yawned. "I'm a grown up and you're little."

Nymphadora yawned in succession of Remus. "What about when I'm grown up too?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I can't marry anyone," Remus murmured. Nymphadora opened her mouth to speak again but Remus plopped his hand over her mouth. "Go to sleep Nymphy."

"G'night Remy," she whispered after his hand dropped off her mouth.

888

The next day, Sirius' other friend, James, arrived. Nymphadora had never felt more ignored in her life. Sure, she didn't have a new invisibility cloak and her family couldn't afford a brand new racing broom, but that was no reason for them to completely ignore the fact she was hovering in their peripheral vision, silently pleading for attention. She was most let down by the fact Remus would seem to see her but focused his attention on James instead.

"Let's go into the forest and test it out," James cackled.

Then, for the first time since James' arrival, Remus and Sirius acknowledged her by simply looking over at her. Sirius swore under his breath and growled slightly. "We can't. That little pisser has to come along too if we do. Auntie wants her to tell on us if we do something we're not supposed to."

"Nah-uh," Nymphadora huffed. "She just wants you guys to play with me."

"And to make sure we don't go swimming in the lake in the woods," Sirius scoffed.

James snatched both Sirius and Remus into a private conversation. Every now and then Sirius would look at her and grin almost evilly while Remus, however, had a disapproving look on his face.

"We'll just say she couldn't keep up," James snickered.

"She's a child James," Remus interjected. "Do you even realize how badly-"

"Shut up Remus. She'll be fine. She knows the forest almost as good as we do," Sirius insisted. "Come on."

The three boys turned and filed out the door, Nymphadora bounced along behind them. She took big leaps in order to keep up with the three as they rushed through the woods. A couple of times she stumbled slightly and called for them to wait up while she picked herself up again.

"Boys! Sirius! James! Remy! I fell down, wait for me!" she called, but she could already see the end of their robes disappearing from her forward sight. She brushed herself off and looked around. The trees towered over her head menacingly and they had turned and darted so many different directions that she didn't know how to get back to the house without them. And without Remus, how would she be protected from any monsters that would try to come after her?

"Remus?" she said faintly. "Remy... I'm lost..." She took several sharp breaths, she was lost and she knew it. She didn't know where her cousin had led his friends off to and she didn't know how to get back home. Her breathing became somewhat more laboured as she whirled around at every sound that echoed around her. "Remy!" Maybe if she called loud enough he'd hear her and come to help. "REMUS!"

She gasped and ducked under a bush as birds scattered over head. She whimpered and curled up into a ball under the bush. "REMY! I'M LOST!" Her breathing was becoming faster paced with each passing moment. Why wasn't he coming? Tears were now steaming down her face.

She jumped when she heard a loud crack, which set her breathing off into a hyperventilation. "Remy," she whimpered softly. "Remmyyy..." Now, her small body was starting to shake, in addition to the short sharp breaths she was barely managing. She softly repeated Remus' name continuously. Even when her vision started blurring she didn't stop.

A sudden grasp on her arm snapped her back to reality. She took in a deep gasp of air, but was still profusely shaking. Her vision cleared for only a moment and she could see Remus looming over her, his lips were moving as if he were desparately trying to shout something at her. Her vision blurred again.

She became vaguely aware of someone lifting her off the ground and it felt like someone was patting her face. She snapped out of it again for a moment when she felt a sharp pinch on her wrist.

"Ow!" she shrieked. Suddenly, the soft pats she thought she had been feeling on her cheeks were feeling more as if they had been firm slaps. Her cheek even stung as if she had been slapped several times. Her eyes darted about wildly.

Then she realized Remus was the one carrying her and he was running. The two of them emerged from the forest and Remus tripped. Nymphadora felt the unmistakable jarring of his knees hitting the ground, not to mention she tumbled out of his arms. He grabbed her arm and turned her toward him roughly.

His face was pale and his eyes were panicked. It was the same look her mother would get when she would trip and gash her leg open on a rock or the window she had crashed through. "Nymphadora, can you hear me?" he shouted, giving her a shake. "Nymphy."

She shakily nodded her head and hugged herself. "I... g-g-g-got sc-sc-sc-scared..."

Remus swore and glared over his shoulder. He stood up. "Harmless prank, aye?" he shouted at the two boys that were just now emerging from the woods. "One would think you two, of all people, would realize what 'harmless pranks' can do! Or will it take your own little cousin nearly dying from a panick attack for you to realize that this time, Sirius!" He simply looked at James and huffed heavily. "You two had just better be glad that at least one of has a bloody conscious!"

He turned his back to them and dropped down on one knee in front of Nymphadora. "You feeling better now Nymphette?" He carefully took her face in his hands and gazed down at her worriedly. She managed a nod. He removed some chocolate from his pocket and offered it to her. "Eat this then Nymphy and lets go inside."

Nymphadora gave him a weak smile and nibbled on the chocolate. After Remus stood up, holding her hand in his, she looked at Sirius and James. Both of them looked as if Remus had told them they had no broom privilages for a month, but followed behind quietly. Nymphadora, however, felt better with each nibble of chocolate she took. Though she was still a little shakey, she couldn't help but smile up at Remus with nothing less than adoration.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Though the years  
Author: LupinLovesTonks  
Rated: PG13-R  
Warnings: Contains language and some sexual situations and innuendo  
Summary: She had known him since she was a small child... and dreamed of the day she might be able to marry him... But, would Remus Lupin ever grow to see Nymphadora Tonks as more than the little five year old that would follow him and Sirius around?

* * *

Chapter Two  
Taking Risks

* * *

She shook her hair, laughing as it changed from black to an almost white blond. With a grin she wondered if her face and hair were all she could change... Taking a few steps back she concentrated and clapped with glee as she discovered she could change almost anything she didn't like about herself.

She'd had the ability to metamorph since she was about eight but it wasn't until now, on the day of her sixteenth birthday that she was actually able to appreciate it. Unlike all the other girls at Hogwarts, she didn't need make up or tons of hair tonics and gels and potions to make herself beautiful... All she had to do was think it and she was. But the jealous lot of them made fun of her for her abilities, even though she treasured them.

They also tended to pick on her for the fact she fancied werewolves and spat out stories about how they weren't at all bad... they just got a bad reputation for chasing bunnies on every full moon. Though now, on the verge of adulthood, Nymphadora knew better than to think what Remus did every full moon was that innocent... she just preferred believing the tall tale he'd told her in her childhood.

She wanted to tell him - to let him know - She wanted him to know how almost every free thinking moment she had revolved around him. Since getting her first kiss, she had been wanting to kiss him. To see what it felt like when someone older and more schooled in the art was the one kissing her. She sighed at the thought and tripped over a foot stool in the middle of her room.

Maybe Remus would come to her party. Maybe he'd see how pretty she could make herself be. Maybe she'd be able to make him forget all the problems that had come into his life since - Her heart fell and the "improvments" she had made to herself faded away.

He'd been so gloomy since the deaths of Lily, James, and Peter, even more so when it was discovered Sirius had been the one behind it. Even she had been in shock about that one. But, he still continued to visit her and her mother at least once or twice a year - On her birthday and the anniversary of James and Lily's death - because that was when he just couldn't handle it anymore.

She had known he'd taken James and Peter's death hard and the revelation about Sirius. But only she knew the real reason he'd taken the deaths so hard. Because he'd been madly in love with Lily...

_flashback_

_"Tut, tut, Mr. Lupin..." her mother scolded. "What would your mother say if she saw you like this? Nymphadora, take him outside for some air, maybe that'll sober him up a little..."_

_For the first time, since he'd arrived about two hours earlier, Nymphadora got to see the lost and forlorn man. His face was pale, his hair was touselled as if he hadn't bothered to groom in days, his robes had several large holes and dust stains on them. His hazel eyes held no shine, as he looked up at her with eyes so bloodshot that there was barely any white in them. In his hand was an almost empty bottle._

_The man struggled to his feet and weaved back and forth, as he stood there waiting for her. She felt a tugging in her heart as she hurried over to help keep him on his feet. "I'll take him to sit on my old playhouse porch," she told her mother._

_"Thank you, so much Nym-pha-do-ra," he gave a small gitty laugh as he drunkenly sounded out each individual syllable of her name. He tried to bring the bottle up to his lips but she quickly snatched it away from him. "Hey..."_

_"No, Remus, we're trying to sober you up - not get you more intoxicated," she scolded, then shuddered at the fact she sounded just like her mother. She dumped him on porch of the playhouse that looked almost exactly like her real home, only much smaller. She took the bottle to a trash bin her mother had placed close by, it had at one time been what she used for her trash from playing, but tonight it served an entirely differnt purpose._

_As soon as she sat down Remus doubled over, spilling the contents of his stomach onto the ground. She rubbed his back like she had seen her mother do to her father on occasion. After Remus was done, he leaned over weakly, laying his head in her lap. She simply played with the few steaks of grey in his hair and smiled softly._

_"Why are you doing this Remus?" she asked carefully. "It won't make you forget. They'll still be gone after you get back in the right mind."_

_Remus scoffed slightly. "Can I trust you with a secret Nymphy? It's something only maybe one other person alive knows. Two if you count your cousin."_

_"Of course Remy. You're my best friend ever, of course I'd keep a secret for you..." she replied. She focused her hair-play on the same white spot in his hair that she had first played with at the age of five, while sitting on his shoulders._

_"You may think me an awful person but, the only death that truly hurts me, was Lily's," he admitted quietly. "I drink because I feel guilty for not feeling as bad about James and Peter. I drink because it's my fault Lily was with James."_

_"Well, you can't help the fact you got them to-"_

_"I didn't," he interrupted. "At least, not the way everyone thinks." He sighed heavily. "Part of me wishes she would have been stubborn and not let me push her away. She pleaded and pleaded with me. 'It does not have to be this way Remus'. 'Please do not do this Remus'. 'I don't care what others think about you being a werewolf, Remus'."_

_He let out a few ragged breaths and she could tell he was crying. "But no, I told her that James could give her the life I wanted to give her, but never would be able to do. I begged her to be with him since I trusted him to never do anything out of sorts with her. I trusted him to protect her. I just wanted her to have happiness, and it nearly killed us both when I made myself tell her I didn't love her. She _made_ me tell her I didn't love her. And like a fool I said, 'Lily, I don't love you. I've just been toying with your heart this whole time.' I was a bloody idiot."_

_He was quiet a long moment and she thought perhaps he was through. She was trying to sort his words out, trying to understand the fullness of what he was saying. If her interpretation was correct... He was saying he'd once been with Lily but begged her to be with James instead._

_"So, she ended up going with James. Marrying him. And I told James I felt it best that I had as little to do with their lives as possible," Remus sighed at this point. "But he never knew how often Lily and I would find ways to accidentally come across one another. As much as we both tried to make everyone believe there was no love between us, including ourselves, the more we desired eachother."_

_Nymphadora gasped in shock. "Are you saying, what I think you are?"_

_"If you're suggesting that I am implying that Lily and I would sneak off together after her and James were married, then you would be correct in that assumption. And if you're daring enough to assume that she and I met for more than tea and cakes, you're dead on." He paused, wincing slightly at his own terminology. "But, it wasn't lust as far as we were concerned. We were just doing what our hearts were telling us was right..."_

_"What happened? Why didn't you ever get her to leave James since the two of you-"_

_Remus chuckled slightly at this point. "It wasn't that easy Nymphy. When Lily got pregnant with Harry she suddenly had a realization that what we were doing was very wrong. There were many times in which I would still seek her out beg for one last chance. But it was too late. She had made up her mind to finally be the wife she was supposed to be to James._

_"She hadn't wanted to be with James but she knew she was stuck with him and that they were going to have the family she and I had wanted. But I was too afraid to give her."_

_"Why were you afraid?" Nymphadora asked quietly._

_"Well, werewolves aren't exactly the most wonderful beings on the planet on the full moon night. And I didn't want to risk having her get bitten or having werewolf children. So I wanted her to be with a fine, upstanding wizard and one that I trusted would do her no wrong."_

_"And that was James?" she asked. Remus nodded. "Hmph, I'm sorry he's gone but I would never forgive him for that stunt he and Sirius pulled in the woods."_

_"Sweet little Nymphy," Remus turned onto his back and looked up at her. "Another thing, and, that day in the woods did something to both James and Sirius. They weren't the same lads you knew when you were five."_

_"Obviously not considering James was with the luckiest girl in the world and Sirius became a murderer," she sighed disheartedly._

_Remus sighed heavily. "You wouldn't really understand it yet. You're still a child."_

_end_

Nymphadora wiped at her eye slightly after she had finished replaying the memory in her head. Part of her wished she had a pensive so she could remove that memory. That memory just made her want to hold Remus in her arms and baby him.

Her ears perked at the sound of a light knock. "Who is it?" she called. The door started easing open. "Hey! 'Who is it' does _not_ equal 'come in', dammit!" She snatched her bath robe off her bed and covered herself as Remus covered his eyes and ducked back out of the room apologizing profusely.

Her face grew warm. She didn't know if she was embarrassed by the fact he'd just got a quick glimpse of her in nothing but her skin. She yanked on her robe and held it closed. "Come in Remus. It's okay, I have something on now," she called, smiling brightly.

The door slowly opened and he stepped inhesitantly. "I really do apologize... I didn't see anything I promise. I just wanted to see you before I had to go. I can't stay for the party this year. Tonight's a full moon you know. And I know how your parties get."

"Oh," she teased. "Tonight you have to turn into a big bad wolf and eat bunnies?" She cleared a spot off on her bed. "Sit. I'm just trying to decide how to do my hair and all for the party."

Remus managed a weak smile and slowly walked across the room to sit on the cleared space. He looked pale, she didn't know if it was because of what was to come to him that night or the fact he'd been drinking again. Either way all she wanted to do was hug him tightly and pet his hair.

"What did you have in mind?" Remus asked. "Perhaps I could help."

"I was thinking either black or blond, or a short and fun mix of blond and crayon red streaks." She shook her head and let her hair go long and raven black. "If I go with black I want it to be long and pretty."

"Makes you look like Bellatrix..." Remus commented flatly.

"Ah, okay," She looked back at the mirror and shortened the length and let it go pale blond. "How's this?"

"Narcissa," Remus laughed.

She picked up the feathery pillow on her dressing table and threw it at Remus. "Alright, what do _you_ think I should do?"

Remus held the pillow in his lap. "Well. That's not fair you know I'm rather fond of red heads. It all matters on what you think, not me. In fact, I was around your age the first time Lily and I-" he looked down but smiled.

He had such a handsome smile. Even though his eyes were bloodshot due to the mix of drinking and crying she knew he did everynight, he still looked handsome to her. She thought the slight traces of grey that were threaded through his hair made him look refined for his mere twenty-eight years of age. She wanted to tell him it did matter what he thought because she wanted to be perfect for him.

Feeling somewhat bold, she slowly walked over to him. "If you want me to... I can look like her." Remus looked confused and his eyes darted to the door nervously. "I can Remus." The fact he looked so nervous made her skin tingle. "Or do you still think I'm not old enough to play with you yet?" She felt her hair lengthen some as she placed her hands on his shoulders. "And I promise not to cry if I get hurt."

She watched as the blond tresses turned a fiery auburn like she had seen in pictures of Lily. Remus was trembling, one of his hands had shot to grasping her wrist. He shook his head slightly, but other than that and the trembling he hadn't moved.

"What do you want Nymphadora?" he said quietly. "Why are you doing this?" his voice sounded frail as his eyes were watching her face shift and contort into that of his old lover's.

"I can look like her, talk like her. I can even feel like her if that's what you want Remus." She moved to try and kiss him but he put his free hand to over her mouth and held her back.

"Stop it Nymphadora," he said firmly. "You're not Lily. No amount of metamorphing can make you really be her."

She let herself go back to normal. She pulled back. "Remus, I love you..." she whispered. "I just want you to love me back. The way you did her."

Remus scoffed. "Nymphadora, you're just a kid, a _child_, you don't know what love is." He let go of her wrist and ducked out of her path to stand up. "You may be of the conscenting age now, Nymphadora. But you're still very much a child." He bowed his head slightly. "Happy Birthday Nymphadora... I'll... see you around."

Her bottom lip started trembling as Remus turned away and walked out of her room without so much as a backward glance. She had tied her robe closed and tried to catch him, but by time she had made it to the front door he apparated before she could call for him to come back. Her mother and father had exchanged a look, wondering what had come over their teenage daughter.

The party that had been planned for her ended up being cancelled. She spent the night in her room sobbing. Even her mother had not sympathized with her and had said she was a fool for even thinking about wanting to get tangled up with Remus... reminded her several times that relationships between werewolves and anyone seldom worked unless the other was a werewolf as well.

But none of them understood. None of them knew how he'd carried her on his shoulders when her five year old legs couldn't keep up with him and Sirius. None of them knew that he'd helped her get over her fear of nighttime monsters by getting her to tell them she had a werewolf friend that ate bunnies and would come get them if they didn't leave her alone.

None of them had seen the panicked look she had seen the day of her panic attack in the forest. None of them had experienced the safe feeling she'd had when he'd been running to get her back to the house.

None of them had held his head in their lap and petted his grey streaked hair while he dammed himself as a fool for pushing Lily away. None of them knew how he was still blaming himself for her being dead. And none of them - not a single solitary one of them - had ever seen his smile.

* * *

**AN: I know it's kinda tame for right now. But trust me. This fic can and will earn it's R rating. ;-)**


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Though the years  
Author: LupinLovesTonks  
Rated: PG13-R  
Warnings: Contains language and some sexual situations and innuendo  
Summary: She had known him since she was a small child... and dreamed of the day she might be able to marry him... But, would Remus Lupin ever grow to see Nymphadora Tonks as more than the little five year old that would follow him and Sirius around?

* * *

Chapter Three  
Lessons

* * *

"That witch there, oh my gosh, _ssslut_," the girl next to her laughed. "I mean, she tried to seduce Professor Snape just to get a good grade in potions."

Tonks wrinkled her nose as she prodded at the meat on her sandwich. "Oh come now, he wouldn't have been nearly as bad if he didn't grease his hair everyday." She picked the meat off and set it to the side then tossed the lettuce and cheese back between the bread. "I thought I told you I didn't eat meat?"

"Sorry Tonks, they wanted to be stupid at the food line," the girl commented. "Your finals for Stealth and such are next week. Think you can manage Miss Twinkle-Toes?"

Tonks gave a cocky smile. "Bridgette, _your _finals for concealment and disguise are next week, think you can manage Miss I-Poisoned-Three-People-With-Veritaserum?"

Her friend pressed her lips together tightly and looked around the luncheon area for the Ministry. Bridgette gave a weak faint of sorts around her sandwich and immediately removed it from her mouth. "Is today Thursday, Tonks? Please tell me today is Thursday and that I am not hallucinating."

"Um, it's _Friday_ and you must be hallucinating if you think you're seeing what excites you every Thursday," Tonks replied. "Otherwise I wouldn't be here, remember? I'd still be in my concealment studies."

Bridgette patted her arm repeatedly. "Remember how I told you there was this _really_ cute werewolf that comes in for his support thing every Thursday at lunch?" Tonks nodded. "He's here _today_. And it looks like he's here to talk to Fudge and Dumbledore. Hmm, odd. God If I knew my entire family wouldn't disown me for it. I'd have that werewolf at my flat tonight."

Tonks snorted slightly. "Bridgette, werewolves don't parttake in one night stands. Did you never listen in Defense Against Dark Arts? They're solitary creatures and only have one mate their whole life, so they're very picky."

"Oh shut up Miss I-Know-All-About-Werewolves," Bridgette scoffed. "Don't ruin a girl's day dreams. Just look at him," Bridgette gave a wistful sigh and completely ignored her lunch as she oggled the werewolf.

Tonks looked in the direction Bridgette was nodding toward. Her heart froze. "Remus," she said quietly. She wasn't sure how long she had kept her eyes on him, just that she could hear her heart pounding in her ears as she did so. Even when their eyes met and held contact for several moments, she didn't drag her gaze away.

He looked much older than she remembered. Of course, the last time she had seen him was on her sixteenth birthday so that would explain the vast amount of grey that had been added to his hair, the extra lines of worry and stress around his eyes. In spite of it, he still looked as handsome as she remembered.

She blinked slowly. When she opened her eyes, he was gone and she noticed Bridgette was jabbing her in the arm with mild stunning spells, leaving her arm rather numb. She finally made sense of the babbling Bridgette was saying. "He's coming over here. Oh my god. Look at him Tonks. It'n he gor- Oh shit he's coming to join _us_."

Tonks shook her head to clear it as Remus took a seat across from them. "My, my, my... fancy seeing you here Nymphadora," he greeted with a mild smile. She heard Bridgette give a small whimper.

Tonks stared at him a moment before bringing herself back to reality. "Remus. Hi. I, haven't seen you in a - long time. This is Bridgette, she's dumb don't mind her. Bridgette, this is my old friend Remus."

"H-he-hey," Bridgette breathed, shaking Remus' hand.

"It's been a while Remus," Tonks pointed out. "Almost ten years right?" She looked over at Bridgette. "Don't you have to go check your polyjuice potion?"

"Right," Bridgette nodded and quickly excused herself.

Tonks snickered. "That girl is more talk than action, should have heard what she was saying she'd do to you if she could get you to her flat." She reached across in anticipation of taking his hands in hers, however he pulled his hands away and put them in his lap the moment she moved to do so. "Ah, still afraid I'll try to seduce you?"

Remus shook his head. "No. It's just - been too long for something so personal..." his eyes swept over her casually. "Love the hair. It's- different."

Tonks shrugged. "I'm young, single, carefree. Why not have my hair short spikey and green?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I've - stopped the drinking," he gave a faint smile. "And, that I'm sorry I never came back to your home after that day. You must understand, seeing you - as her - Was too much."

"Yeeeah," Tonks nodded. "I realize that now Remy. I'm over it and all. It's good that you quit drinking. I'm happy for you. I really am."

She didn't know why she was suddenly feeling very uncomfortable around him. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the last time she had seen him he'd seemed so young and now he just felt so - old. All she knew was that her skin was crawling.She had never thought there would be a day Remus would be old enough to feel remorse over his actions.

_He wouldn't let her touch him_. _He'd abandoned her_. She struggled to get out of her seat, tripping over the chair slightly as she did so. "I have to get back to my training."

"I know," he said with a slight smile.

_He still has the same smile though_. Suddenly her skin wasn't crawling and she wasn't wanting to shake herself to death with nervousness. "How do you 'know'?"

Remus shrugged slightly. "Word has it you're very promising but have a small problem with stealth... Fudge himself Floo'd up Dumbledore and he got me a task tutoring you." Remus shrugged. "Sort of a pre-requiset before I attempt any real teaching jobs again. And Fudge figures since Dumbledore trusts me and all my vaccinations are up to par that it would be alright for a werewolf to help you."

"Great," Tonks said, barely moving her lips. "Werewolf humour, I had forgotten how funny you could be."

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you," Remus said casually. He stood up. "Just bare in mind they're seeing if I can still adequately teach young people. If I do good with you then Dumbledore wants me to go to Hogwarts."

She slowly took her seat again. "Oh, that's right, you were a teacher before Ja-" her voice trailed off. His eyes darkened and she knew that he'd known why she'd stopped. He hadn't really taught since the death of his friends.

Remus also retook his seat. "The question is, are you willing to be my guinea pig? I haven't taught in many years."

"What makes Fudge think you could do good at teaching me stealth?" She folded her arms on the table in front of her and leaned toward him.

"Dumbledore pointed out that werewolves, by nature, are hunters," Remus replied, mimicking her seating. "Rather effective hunters to boot."

"Going to be teaching me to hunt bunnies are we Remy?" Tonks teased. She was somewhat amazed how she didn't seem to mind the fact he'd not spoken to her since she was sixteen. Instead, she had slipped right back into her usual playful manner with him, and for once he was actually playful back.

Remus gave a crooked smile. "Actually Nymphy, you're going to have to try and keep me from hunting _you _down."

888

Her face hit the dirt as she was hit with yet another low grade stunning spell from behind. She spit the dirt out of her mouth and turned onto her back. "Dammit Remus. What did I do wrong this time?"

"Silencing charm on your feet does not equal silencing the leaves and sticks you step on or the curses you yell when you trip over a tree root," Remus teased. "Unless you know how to silence nature itself, I wouldn't recommend silencing charms. An invisibility cloak may help you but -" he shook his head slowly and tsked. "You'd probably trip over the ends of it."

Tonks winced as Remus pulled her to her feet. "You just wait you bully," she groaned, rubbing her shoulder where the stunning spell had hit. "I'm drinking milk and one day I'll bat-bogey hex you while you're not looking and then run the other way before you can catch me. That stunner _hurt_."

"Bare in mind they're not called pleasure spells Nymphad-"

"Tonks," she growled. "I go by Tonks now, _Lupin_."

"At any rate, _Nymphadora_... They aren't called pleasure spells... they're stunning spells and can be expected to hurt somewhat..." Remus commented. "And that's _Professor Lupin_ to you missy. Try again." He apparated away then re-apparated. "And you might want to consider going some place else otherwise I'll be able to find you rather easily. again."

After he disappeared again, Tonks frowned. "Smartass," she muttered, walking ahead. She came into a clearing in the room that had been enchanted to be a forest. For some reason she felt she knew the woods. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

_Boys! Sirius! James! Remy! I fell down... wait for me!_

Tonks gasped when her mind had decided to go back to that day in her childhood. She opened her eyes and suddenly she recognized the trees and the entire feel of the false forest. It was the same woods she had been racing through trying to catch up with the boys as they got the hair brained idea to try and get her lost.

It was that day she had always wanted to block from her memory. She hadn't ever stepped foot in the woods close to her house since that day. She'd even gone as far as stopping her usual tramping along behind the boys when they would go out "marauding", as they called it...

_Nymphadora... can you hear me?_

But, she also always remembered seeing that it had ben Remus that had been concerned enough to go back and find her. He'd been the one to answer she she'd yelled about being lost.

"Remus!" Tonks cried out, starting to tremble and breathe forcablly. "I'm lost!" She was starting to panick. If she had never noticed they were modelled after the woods at home, she wouldn't have panicked.

"You're a big girl now Nymphadora," Remus' voice echoed through the woods. "I'm not helping you, you have to do it on your own this time. Try not to let it get to you."

"How do I do that Remus? You know these woods scare me because of what James and Sirius did..."

She jumped as she heard a pop behind her. She turned, wand at the ready. Her breathing was heavy due to her panicked state. She backed into something solid and gasped as she felt a warm breath against her ear.

"Close your eyes..." Remus whispered. "Open... your mind... Con-cen-trate..."

There was another pop and she fell onto her rear end. "This isn't fair Remus!" she yelled, tossing some of the dead leaves out of frustration. "You're taking advantage of the situation. You know I hate the woods at home. This is _not_ teaching, this is playing with my bloody mind!" She struggled to her feet and brushed the dirt off her clothes.

"Which is precisely why I chose it for your training arena," Remus said, from where he was propped beside a tree, on the other side of the clearing. He was holding his wand in his hands, each end against a palm. "You face your fears, you face your weaknesses. Your only fear growing up was this forest. To some, the forest represents the darkest and deepest desires of our primative self. One would assume you feared those deepest and darkest desires."

She stood there, holding her wand tightly in her hand, trying to control her breathing. "I'm not scared of anything," she insisted through clenched teeth.

"I hated the woods as well Nymphadora. That's why I went back to you. So you would know you had someone to protect you, that's how I would get over my own fears. What I want to know is, what part of your mortal desires do you fear to the point that you can hardly control your emotions, that you have these panic attacks? And since it's only the woods at your home that you were afraid of - and yes I heard about all your adventures in the Forbidden Forest - one would assume that you feared something from home, or some desire that stems from your home that frightens you beyond any measure."

She was becoming annoyed with his cool and calm demeanor, not to mention he was turning her fear into something psychological to do with home. She wanted to tell him that she didn't fear anything about home. No, she wanted to tell him that she feared losing him, she feared not having the person that drove away the monsters. She feared him rejecting her and denying her that protection that she had grown accustomed to as a child.

"This is supposed to be a lesson on stealth," she pointed out.

Remus stood up straight and put away his wand. He strolled casually over to her. "One thing you need to know, fears give you away more than any noise. It causes a distortion in the energies that surround you and shine a beacon for anything evil that seeks you. So by all means this _is_ a lesson to help you with the stealth. Conqour your fears, you conqour your problems. Only then will I be able to help you with the little clumsiness problem."

He studied her face for a long moment then lightly kissed her forehead. Her bottom lip trembled as she flung her arms around his waist. At first, Remus didn't seem to know what to do, but then he hesitantly hugged her around her shoulders and petted her hair.

"My greatest fear was that you would always see me as some annoying little five year old that wanted to follow you around and wanted you to protect me," Tonks admitted. She wasn't sure why she was telling him, all she knew was that she wanted him to know. Even though she knew her telling him so would never amount to anything other than a mild friendship again, she told him. "But my deepest desire was for you to protect me, and love me."

She felt Remus give a slight laugh. "I figured that much on your sixteenth birthday. I- I think I feared losing you as well. I felt you were trying so hard to be like Lily that you were becoming less like yourself." He pulled back slightly and looked down at her. "And when you made yourself look like her. It hurt me that I had somehow made you want to force yourself to be her just to get my fancy."

Tonks sniffled slightly and wiped her nose with the sleeve of her robe. "How did you know that's what I wanted?"

Remus frowned slightly. "Werewolves, even in their mortal form, have heightened senses. And when a woman, such as yourself, is wanting something of the nature you were wanting that day... They give off a certain - shall we say, _scent -_ some men, even ones that aren't werewolves can sense it. Werewolves smell it and react to it if it's something they're desiring at the time, and they go right mad until they can get it or they can't smell it anymore."

She looked at him confused. "'If it's something they're desiring at the time'?" she asked quietly.

Remus gave a soft laugh. "That night was a full moon, Nymphadora. And werewolves always have the desire for a mate. The wolf saw Lily, the wolf saw his mate. That's all he cared about. Lucky for both of us I still had some sort of control over the wolf."

"I only changed into Lily because I wanted to be perfect for you. And I knew you had loved her so much and I wanted you to be able to have her back. I just wanted to be perfect."

He kissed her forehead again. "You already are, kid. You already are." He gave her an affectionate, almost fatherly, smile and pulled away quickly. "Now that you don't have the beacon of fear shining all around you. Mind your feet so that they don't trip over anything. Including your other foot. And lets see if you can find me before I find you. If you find me first, you will get a reward. Think you can manage?"

Tonks gave a slight nod and smiled after Remus apparated away. She looked at her hands and sighed softly. They weren't shaking. Her breathing was even somewhat normal. Taking a look around she realized, she wasn't afraid anymore.

Of anything.

* * *

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews everyone. You have no idea how much I appreciate them. **

**Peetje**: Thanks for complimenting my 5 year old Nymphie. I haven't been around five year olds for a while so I was worried I wouldn't portray one right, so I just went on the basic behaviour one of my neices had at that age. And, as far as I know, the first two chapters will be the only ones that consist of a younger Nymphadora, chapter three and up deals with "grown up" Nymphadora, though I do plan a few "flashbacks" in later chapters.

**Alli-Baby**: Yeah, I know. But the main reason she doesn't is that we're going to later learn that something Remus told her when she was young is the reason she never makes herself older. ;-)

**starnat**: I'll do my best!

**Mac1**: I've read MBAWTFT. Basically, my concept of werewolves are a mix of Rowlings ideas of werewolves and a mix of lycanothropy. In mainstream lycanothropy the werewolf gene is a dominate feature in genetics and there is a _strong possibility_ that it will be passed down to the children of werewolves (a bit like a cancer, so to speak). And thanks for reading my fics! I've seen your reviews on a few of them.

**Livae**: Thank you. As for right now I am still working on this one. I'm up to chapter five but I'm going in and doing some minor editting to them and tweaking before I post them.

**Spaztic-lassie**: Yeah I like the idea of Remus/Lily too... it's a bit of an obvious pre-james/lily pairing that I am fond of. Unfortunately, the only fic I update with freakishly long chapters is A Heart Once Given lol.

**klutzyviolet**: gives tissues Don't cry! Thank you for the review! As mentioned above, I am planning more updates soon!


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Though the years  
Author: LupinLovesTonks  
Rated: PG13-R  
Warnings: Contains language and some sexual situations and innuendo  
Summary: She had known him since she was a small child... and dreamed of the day she might be able to marry him... But, would Remus Lupin ever grow to see Nymphadora Tonks as more than the little five year old that would follow him and Sirius around?

* * *

Chapter Four  
Rewards and Realizations

* * *

She slowly peeped around the edge of the tree. Remus was standing in the middle of the trail, absentmindly whistling and studying the condition of his nails. It had only been a week and he already had her walking and breathing quieter and had her... clumsier than ever.

Remus held up five fingers and slowly started counting backwards aloud. She raised her wand and prepared to hit him with the stunning spell. Just as she went to do so, her foot slipped off the damp tree root and the spell shot up into the tree, causing several small birds, a squirrel, and a wildcat to drop out of the sky.

"Good job Nymphadora, I barely heard you that time," Remus chuckled. "However, that was a rather less than graceful display of the uses of stunning spells." He eyed the fallen wildlife with pity and performed the spell to revive them. The creatures fluttered and scurried away.

She didn't understand it. She couldn't understand it either. When she would practice getting around her messy flat at night, not once would she trip or stumble over anything. However, as soon as she got within a fifteen foot radius of Remus, she was amazed at taking two steps without breaking her neck.

Tonks picked herself up off the ground, rubbing the back of her head. "Can we take luncheon?"

"Certainly," Remus waved his wand and the forest faded away into a small empty office. "You don't mind being seen with this old werewolf do you?"

"I'd rather be seen with you than Bridgette," Tonks laughed, draping herself on his arm. "But I was suggesting someplace more comfy than the usual."

"Oh?" Remus hummed. "And where did you have in mind?"

"My place?" Tonks suggested with a smile.

"Again?" Remus said with mock disgust then grinned. "I'd love to."

The two apparated. Tonks ended up in her kitchen, Remus ended up stretched out on the sofa in a relaxed pose. "Showoff," she called. "I have got to learn to do that one day. Then I can just apparate from work to my bed. Save myself the trouble of bruised shins and broken things."

"Mind if I be nosy while you prepare luncheon? I've yet to purose the place," Remus asked.

"Go ahead. I'm not hiding anything... yet." She wasn't completely sure she liked the way he immediately made a line for her room. "Um, Remus, why did you go to my room first?"

She heard some rustling and then Remus peeked out of the room. "If you ever want to truly know someone, explore their bedroom. Which, oddly, is the only room you have clean. Kind of makes me curious as to what you're hiding in here..."

"Psychobabble doesn't suit you Remus!" she called as he disappeared into her room again. "And I'm not hiding anything in there. I'm very open about who I am and what I like," then she added under her breath, "most of the time."

She set to the task of making lunch, taking extra care to avoid chopping off her fingers. Last thing she wanted was to hack a finger off while Remus was around, it would be one of the many things she would consider more embarrassing than her clumsiness.

After a while she couldn't hear any rustling coming from her room, which brought a strong feeling of paranoia. "Re- Remus?"

Almost instantly he darted out of her room and sat directly on her little couch, hands folded in his lap. He look somewhat disturbed and his face was flushed a lovely shade of red. "Remind me, Nymphadora, never to let my curiousity get the best of me. Ever again."

Tonks laughed. "Why?"

Remus swallowed hard and shook his head as if to clear it. "Let's just say I had the sudden and forced epiphany that you are indeed no long a child." He looked across the flat at her then quickly looked away again, his face growing somewhat redder.

"It's about bloody time," she gave a nervous laugh. His behaviour could only mean one of very few things. She would lay all her bets that he'd discovered the shoebox she kept under her bed. That was the only time she'd ever seen _anyone_ that had decided to be nosy rush out of her room as if they had done something unforgivablly rude.

She carried their lunch over to the couch and sat with him. Even when she offered him the food, he took it without so much as looking in her general direction. After the two of them ate, they sat there in silence for a long moment. Tonks lightly put a hand on Remus' arm, he jumped nervously.

"I take it you found the shoebox?" she asked. Remus slowly nodded and chewed on his finger nervously. "Which one?"

He looked at her forlornly. "There's more than one!" He scooted away from her slightly. "It was the one with... pictures and... a _certain personal item _in it." His eyes scurried over her quickly and he looked away again.

"Well, hate to surprise you Remy but I'm twenty-two years old. I'm old enough to enjoy those kind of things if I want." She wanted to laugh so bad at the look on his face, but did her best not to. "But don't get the wrong idea, the guys that took the pictures were not lovers or anything, most of them were actually gay so there was no attraction what-so-ever."

"For some reason that's not very reassuring," Remus gave a nervous laugh.

She patted his leg and stood up. "We need to get back to the Ministry. I'm sure I can actually out-hunt you this time."

888

Her mind was reeling. The stunning spell he'd just administered had taken her completely by surprise. Even more surprising is that it hadn't been Remus' usual mild grade stunning spell, this one had felt close to the top notch stunning spells she knew he was capable of. If she hadn't known better, she would have thought he was intentionally doing so to punish her for what he'd found on their luncheon.

She slowly sat up and gasped for breath. That was it, she was definately going to get him back this time. She looked up into the trees and apparated to a limb high above. Oddly enough, she had found him rather easily... He was in the clearing again, pacing casually and looking somewhat bored. He apparated and then reapparated, looking somewhat confused.

"Nymphadora?" he called.

She closed her eyes lightly. _Close your eyes, broaden your mind, concentrate_... A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips, as if she was hearing his voice right next to her ear. She could picture it almost clearly in her mind. Jump down from the tree, point her wand, and hitting him with her best stunning spell.

True, she did have a certain advantage due to the fact he seemed somewhat distracted. So maybe she'd actually be able to pull it off this time. She waited until his back was turned and carefully slid down the back of the tree, her feet barely made a sound as they touched the leaves that carpetted the ground. It was her good fortune that a small rabbit got frightened out of hiding and Remus hit it with a stunning spell instead of her.

As far as she knew, he hadn't even noticed she was there yet. She readied her wand and stepped from behind the tree. Both of them pointed their wands at the same time. However, it was her stunning spell that hit it's target. Remus grabbed his chest and eased down to his knees with a wince.

Almost instantly, Tonks felt guilty and ran over to where he was now huddled over holding his chest and panting for air. She patted his back and he pushed her away roughly. "A bit... over-zealous are we?" he managed. "_Mild_ Nymphadora... _mild_ stunning spell... Not one that'll give me a bloody heart attack..."

Tonks picked herself up and sat beside him. "Sorry. I guess I just... slipped." she shrugged slightly. "I finally got you before you could get me. You promised a reward if I ever managed it before my actual final."

He looked at her werily. "I think you'd be able to reward yourself with that other thing in the shoebox. I'm not going to reward you for nearly killing me."

She huffed and gave him a firm shove. "You're an ass, Remus. All this past week you've been promising that if I got you first you would reward me and now you're wanting to retract it because of that damn shoebox and because I hit you a little too hard with my stunning spell. That's bullcockney. And it's just not fucking fair..."

Remus coughed a small laugh. "Oh, so the grown up can use grown up words too?" He looked up at her with amusment in his eyes. Several strands of his hair had fallen in into his eyes. He slowly moved to sitting down and his hand fell away from his chest. He shook his head slightly and sighed. "Permit me, just for curiousities sake. Exactly how many of those photographers were your lovers?"

"None." Tonks shrugged slightly. "I don't really trust guys my age Remus. They're whores. And when I find that one guy. I'll find him, but for now I'm content just using my imagination and the other thing in the shoebox." She batted her eyelashed innocently, feeling her face get a little warm at the admission.

Remus suddenly looked intrigued. "Oh? So you've never entertained a gentleman in your bedroom before or any bedroom for that matter?" Tonks shook her head. "Saving yourself for a certain lad to come around then?"

"I guess you could say that. But most of the older people I know see me as some stupid little kid. I doubt they'd ever... want to..." She had looked away from him. If she wasn't careful she'd end up completely admitting that it had been him that she had been waiting for. It'd been him she was wanting to come around and see her as something other than a child.

"You know, Nymphy," Remus started with a sigh. "Everytime I look at you, I see that little girl that would chase after me and Sirius, begging for our attention. I see the little girl that I carried on my shoulders and told me I should eat badgers instead of bunnies." They both took a moment to gently laugh. "But I also see the sixteen year old that desired my acceptance so much that she was willing to become someone else..."

Tonks smiled faintly. "That's sweet Remy."

"You know what I'm seeing right now?" Remus asked, Tonks looked at him and shook her head. He smiled lightly. "I see an interesting young woman that wants so hard to be that little girl again, so she can curl up with me in my bed, and I can keep the monsters away."

She was quiet a moment, analyzing what he'd just said. "You know Remus," she said quietly. "All the sweet talk in the world isn't going to make me forget you promised me a reward."

Remus gave a mock scoff but laughed anyways. "Alright, within reason, my little obsessed fiend," he tapped the end of her nose and looked mildly shocked when an indention was left. "That _was not _nice."

She fixed her nose and laughed. "How's about a kiss then?" Remus leaned forward to put a peck on her forehead, but she stopped him. "Nah-uh. I meant, a real one." She scrunched her face slightly. "One like the grown ups do. It's within reason. Not like I'm asking for sex."

Remus opened his mouth to say something but then simply chewed on his bottom lip as he looked around the clearing. He looked back at her and sighed slightly. His eyes softened and his pose relaxed.

Tonks closed her eyes when he reached up and lightly put a hand to her cheek. His hand was warm and softer than she would have imagined. The hand on her cheek brushed back through her hair, which was long straight and a violent pink that day. Then she felt it, or rather _them_.

His warm lips on hers. She entwined her fingers behind his neck and soaked in the feeling of Remus' mouth, lips, and tongue playing a slow gentle game with hers. The sound of a low groan reached her ears just before Remus made the kiss somewhat deeper. She could feel both of his hands in her hair, his thumbs barely grazing her temples.

She could tell he was holding back, keeping the kiss reserved as he best could. She could also tell that he wasn't wanting to hold back. It would be up to her to make the next move, she knew, because part of her knew that he was still somewhat too shy to do so. She roughly grasped the front of his robe and made the kiss much deeper, pouring all she was feeling toward him, into it. At first Remus seemed to want to resist but started returning the kiss with the same eagerness as she had. In fact, as the moments passed, Remus seemed to becoming to most eager one.

Tonks could feel her mind slipping into a slight euphoria as she felt her back come in contact with the mossy grass of the forest floor. Remus' hands were now gently roaming down her body, exploring the curves of her hips and breasts. She'd had lads that had done the same thing to her before, but they had never made her skin tingle with excitement the way Remus' ministrations were. And in her past, she had been repulsed by feeling a hardening male anatomy against her thigh, but with Remus it only made the tingling in her skin intensify.

Then, suddenly, Remus stiffened and Tonks gasped with shock as he tore away from her, leaving her with a sudden coldness. She slowly sat up and propped herself up with shakey arms. Remus was crouched down, his back to a tree. He was panting heavily and his eyes were on her intently. She searched his face, wanting an explaination for why he'd stopped.

All she could see was the slight twitch at the corner of his mouth. She couldn't remember him ever looking more like a cornered animal in her life. Then she realized he looked like a vicious cornered animal. Or perhaps she was misreading it and he simply looked like an animal that had been teased and abused in the past and was preparing to attack if she dared to do the same thing.

No, no, her senses were telling her that her other interpretations were very wrong. Not a cornered animal or an abused one. But what she was seeing in his eyes was definately an animalistic instinct that he was trying to repress. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, a small voice whispered a single word: _desire_.

Finding her voice, after a few hard swallows, Tonks sighed shakily and asked, "What's wrong?"

"I realized, I was doing something wrong..." he replied quietly, with a slight growl to his voice. "You're twelve years younger than I am Nymphadora Tonks. You were five when we met. I was nearly in my last year at Hogwarts..."

"So, what are you trying to say? You still see me as a five year old...?"

"Yes... I mean, no... I don't know..." he closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "I just don't feel right." He cleared his throat and, after opening his eyes, he stood up. "I think perhaps we should call it a day Nymphadora. Only two more days and you have your stealth finals, so we only have two more days to work on that clumsiness."

She nodded slightly. There was no more use in pursuing their conversation. He'd already thrown up his walls to the point she knew it would be impossible to get him to even acknowledge their kiss, much less what it had done to both of them.

* * *

**Here's a sneak peek of the next chapter**: 

Her fingers twitched slightly as a slow smile went to her lips. Some sick part of her mind was now wondering exactly how accurate Remus had been that one day, when he'd told her how werewolves react to the scent of a woman. He'd obviously desired her earlier. If he could pick up on that scent again, would it drive him mad to the point he wouldn't be able to hold himself back?

It was only four days until the full moon. She very well remembered an advanced studies book she had read about werewolves. The closer it got to the full moon, the strong their wolf senses got. With a sneaky grin, she tiptoed over to her door and unlocked it.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Though the years  
Author: LupinLovesTonks  
Rated: PG13-R  
Warnings: Contains language and some sexual situations and innuendo  
Summary: She had known him since she was a small child... and dreamed of the day she might be able to marry him... But, would Remus Lupin ever grow to see Nymphadora Tonks as more than the little five year old that would follow him and Sirius around?

Chapter Warning: Um, yeah... this is were the "Sexual situations" come in... read at your own peril. And I know in Werewolf and the Raver I swore off sex scenes but, technically this one was written long before that one in W&R. This whole bloody chapter is almost nothing but smuttiness. My muse has too much time on her hands.

* * *

Chapter Five  
Animal Instincts

* * *

They had eaten dinner in silence. She had spent the entire meal trying to get him to look at her, but he'd kept his eyes on his potato chowder and toasted cheese sandwich the whole time. With a heavy sigh, she eventually just left the table, after only taking a small bite from her sandwich and a small taste of her chowder. 

He was there because she had offered to let him stay at her flat instead of having to travel from the ministry to the far nether region edges of Surrey every day. And he had probably went to her house because he didn't want her to think that afternoon had changed anything.

She went to her room and closed and locked the door behind herself. She laid on her bed, hugging her pillow to her chest for the longest time, crying. At one point, while laying there in the dark, she could have sworn she'd seen the shadow of Remus' feet under her doorway. But then she had blinked and the shadow was no longer there.

She lay there for the longest time, her mind drifting backwards through the day. Eventually her mind settled on the kiss. Her eyes fluttered closed and she gently moistened her lips. Even though it was not currently going on, she could almost feel his lips on hers, his hands, his warmth. Part of her couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he hadn't taken control of the wolf that was laying somewhat dormant in the recesses of his mind.

She shivered as she imagined the look she had seen in his eyes right after he'd pulled away from her. Would the same look have been in his eyes if they had continued past the kiss? Would his eyes have looked that full of desire if he'd been... inside of her?

Her fingers twitched slightly as a slow smile went to her lips. Some sick part of her mind was now wondering exactly how accurate Remus had been that one day, when he'd told her how werewolves react to the scent of a woman. He'd obviously desired her earlier... if he could pick up on that scent again, would it drive him mad to the point he wouldn't be able to hold himself back?

It was only four days until the full moon... She very well remembered an advanced studies book she had read about werewolves. The closer it got to the full moon, the stronger their wolf senses got. With a sneaky grin, she tiptoed over to her door and unlocked it.

Peeping out she saw that Remus was curled up on her sofa. Quietly, she walked about her flat opening the curtains so that the almost full moon shined all around. She tiptoed over to the sofa and looked down at Remus in the moonlight. A soft sigh escaped from her lips as she stood there watching the corner of his mouth twitch like it had been doing earlier.

He was wearing only his trousers and a sleeveless undershirt. Nymphadora slowly grazed her eyes over his sleeping form, taking in every freckle and scar that the moonlight let her see. She even took in the most recent additions of grey in his hair. The grey streaks glowed silver against the darker blond in the light.

She heard him inhale deeply in his sleep as she walked past him, heading back for her room. She turned to look over her shoulder when she could have sworn she heard him give a soft growl. After walking back into her room, she left the door barely ajar and opened the one set of blinds so that even her room was subjected to the silvery glow of the moon.

She removed her clothes and folded them neatly before dropping them into her clothes hamper. Part of her debated whether or not to get out her shoebox, but decided against it in the event her plan worked. Her hands were shaking from her being so nervous. She had never felt this nervous prior to doing what she was about to do...

Perhaps it was nervousness from the idea that her plan would work. What if she did drive him to his breaking point? What if his inner-wolf wanted to lay claim to her?

Her heart as already pounding loudly in her ears. She laid back on her bed and closed her eyes. No sooner than she had let her fingers begin their task, she heard the sound of something shattering in her living room.

"Nymphadora?" she heard Remus call.

"Yes, Remus?" she called back breathlessly.

"Is everything alright in there?" His voice was right at her door.

"Yes Remus," she replied. She was beginning to remember his kiss from earlier. She wasn't sure how long she had been pleasuring herself, just that she was starting to get closer to her peak as her mind was beginning to play over the possibilities of what could have happened in the forest if he hadn't stopped.

"Nymphadora..." his voice sounded struggled and gruff this time. "What are you doing in there?"

Nymphadora grasped her pillow with her free hand and softly moaned Remus' name as her hips arched toward the ceiling. The bedroom door was flung open. She gasped in shock and made an almost pitiful attempt to cover herself. Before her mind had a chance to take in what was happening, Remus was on her.

His mouth was sealed to hers, drinking her in deeply. His hands were moulded to her hips, pulling her centre against his arousal, just before sinking it deeply inside of her with one fluid motion. Remus lifted his mouth away from hers, threw his head back, and gave a loud groan as he pulled out and pushed back inside of her repeatedly, each thrust getting more powerful than the one before.

Nymphadora grabbed his arms and arched her body toward him. He gathered her close to him, she looked at his eyes and was almost in wonder. The eyes were dark and heavy from the wolf taking over Remus to an extent. But she could still see her Remus somewhere in the shadowy depths of the almost wolf-like amber eyes.

"Oh gods... Remus," she whispered shakily. She dug her nails into his shoulders and a small scream slipped through her lips. Her body thrashed beneath him as it fought to reach it's release. With every move, she barely noticed she was loosing control of her morphing sending her hair from long and black to short and pink to other different lengths and wild colours.

His strong fingers grasped her shoulders firmly as she felt a tightness growing in the pit of her stomach. Her mouth was opened to scream but her breath was caught somewhere in the pressure in her stomach. She managed to finally scream his name as the tightness that had been over-taking her body went away with a warm, tingly flush.

Both of them lay there for a long moment. She was only vaguely aware of Remus' heavy panting against her throat. Her skin shivered as the cool night air drifted over her sweaty form. Remus lifted his head and turned it toward the window where the almost full moon gazed in at them. He looked down at her. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw that his eyes held almost nothing of the man in their depths.

He didn't speak, just leaned his head back down close to her and slowly inhaled her scent just below her ear. His lips barely touched her skin as he lightly sniffed down her neck and between her breasts before ascending back up the other side of her neck. The tips of his fingers trailed down her arms and captured her fingertips. His head lifted again, and this time he sat back on his heals, bringing her to a sitting up position as well as he pulled her fingers to his lips.

His tongue darted out to taste the tips of her fingers then his tongue lightly ran over his own lips.

"What are you doing Remus," she asked breathlessly. The wolf eyes glared at her sharply before slowly going back to the moon outside. He looked back at her and released her fingertips then lightly pushed her back to laying down.

Remus leaned over her on all fours and studied her a moment before creeping to kneeling beside her. The way he'd moved made Nymphadora smile lightly at the fluidic, wolf mannerisms. He lightly nudged her hip upwards with his hand. She made the move to scoot over but he growled deeply and instead grabbed her other hip and pulled slightly.

She looked at him questioningly for a moment then realized, "Oh! You want me to roll over?"

Remus gazed at her intently and she flushed slightly but turned over onto her stomach. His cool hands slowly stroked down her back and she felt him straddle her thighs. He leaned down and lightly sniffled at the base of her neck, at the nape. Remus gave a soft sound that seemed to be a mix of a growl and a hum of approval.

Nymphadora squirmed slightly as his tongue slowly trailed over the spot he'd just been sniffling at. Her hands closed around hers as he gently started to nibble and flick his tongue over the spot repeatedly. She shivered and gave a slight giggle as she squirmed again. Remus gave the growl-hum again and stopped the nibbling and licking. He nuzzled the side of her neck slightly.

But what happened next caught the young woman completely by surprise... Remus lightly kissed the spot he'd stopped teasing, then bit down hard on the skin.

* * *

- scoots away so to dodge all the fruit being thrown - 

Actual convo I had with inner muse:

Me: But I don't wanna write that. Love scenes are icky.  
muse: Dear gods you're married and you used the word "icky". What are you five? Write it!  
Me: No.  
muse: Yes.  
Me: No.  
muse: If you ever wanna write another story you had better do this love scene.  
Me: But I don't wanna. It makes Remus look evil.  
muse: or sexy. depends on how you look at it.  
both: mmm kinky werewolf sex.  
Me: Heeey. That's not fair.  
muse: Ha! now write it!  
Me: Damn you.

And for those of you that have read Werewolf and the Raver... that particular convo is what inspired the use of the term "kinky werewolf sex" in it. And yes, I do argue with my muse constantly about what I will and won't write... she usually wins.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Though the years   
Author: LupinLovesTonks  
Rated: PG13-R  
Warnings: Contains language and some sexual situations and innuendo  
Summary: She had known him since she was a small child... and dreamed of the day she might be able to marry him... But, would Remus Lupin ever grow to see Nymphadora Tonks as more than the little five year old that would follow him and Sirius around?

AN: whoa... I actually updated. I'm sure it's someone's birthday somewhere so if it's your brithday and you like this fic, Happy Birthday ;) My muse finally returned for this one. so yay!

* * *

Chapter Six  
Cravings of a Wolf

* * *

_"Oh gods Remus, please don't stop," she whimpered._

_He lightly ran his tongue over the minuscule drops of blood on the fresh bite mark on the nape of her neck. Her blood had a tangy taste to it, reflecting the spirit that resided within the lithe body beneath him. The tartness of the blood spoke volumes that his mate was one to live her life to any extreme she pleased._

_That was why he had craved her, wanted to mark her as his mate. The wolf wanted her love of life to nurture him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back flush against his stomach. He drove himself deeper inside of her._

_She reached back and grasped his hair as he sucked deeply on the bite mark on her nape. He could feel her stomach muscles flex beneath his fingers. She started panting for air, taking in short rapid breathes before letting out a series of strained whimpers. She collapsed beneath him with one final groan._

_He lightly nuzzled her neck and placed gentle kisses along her jaw line. His hands slowly roamed over her feminine curves as he withdrew himself from her body. He pulled her into his arms; she turned toward him and clung to him tightly, her body trembling. At first he thought it was just the aftermath of their repeated mating, but the sniffle perked his ears and let him know that wasn't so… instead she was trembling because she was crying…_

888 

Remus awoke with a start and looked around the room. Sunlight was pouring in through the open blinds, making his sensitive eyes ache. Several bits and pieces of the night before teased the nether regions of his conscious mind as it struggled to recall the previous night. The last thing his conscious mind recalled was curling up on the sofa in the living room, but he was most certainly no longer there.

The dream he had disturbed him somewhat, especially since he was currently in Tonks' bedroom, tangled up in her bedcovers. A tangy scent reached his nostrils, causing them to flare as saliva started forming in his mouth. His eyes fell to the sheet covering a lump that lie beside of him. A slight wave of nausea followed as he released the mouth-watering scent, the scent that actually was making him somewhat aroused with its tanginess, was in fact blood.

He almost didn't want to pull the covers back, mental images of Tonks dead beneath the sheets made him fear what he would see if he did pull them back. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and pulled the sheets back. Slowly, he opened his eyes and let out a slow sigh of relief.

Tonks was curled up around a pillow, completely nude except for a pair of socks, but the position in which she was laying securely hid anything a man's eyes would wish to see. She frowned in her sleep and inhaled sharply. Her throat had been the cause of the blood, Remus noticed, from a bite at her nape that had apparently, at some point, been against the white sheet.

His heart dropped into his stomach as he gazed at the bite. That alone made him crawl carefully from the bed and tuck the blankets around her warmly. He wasn't even able to manage a smile when she muttered something about him that became lost in the mutterings of sleep talking. After finding his clothes and getting dressed, Remus pointed his wand at the blinds so that they shut out the light of morning.

Should he leave her a letter? Should he send her an owl later?

He honestly had no clue as to what to say to her or to do. What did one say to a girl that had just had the last remaining bit of her innocence ripped away by an animal, especially when he, himself, had been the animal to do so. He cursed himself several times for not yet being able to fully control that part of him.

Perhaps, maybe, it was best he not say anything.

So then, he turned away and quietly walked from her room and apparated away.

888 

She stretched her hand out across her bed, searching for the warmth her body so suddenly was missing. Without the other warmth, her body was beginning to shiver in spite of being covered with two thick blankets. Her hand found the other edge of the bed and she lifted her head and looked around.

"Remus?" she called lightly.

Though the closed blinds had left the room dark, there was enough light for her to see that Remus was nowhere in her room. She slowly crawled out of her bed and picked up a bathrobe as she walked out of the door, wincing slightly when he legs rubbed the wrong way. She didn't even bother tying it closed; she wore it just in case someone showed up at her door.

Slowly, she made her way through her apartment, feet light and soundless as she crept through. Her hand shot to her neck where Remus had bitten down on her neck and shook her head to clear it. "Remus?" She looked into her little kitchen and frowned.

After thoroughly checking her flat, it set in that Remus was, in fact, not there. Her heart fell to her feet and she felt tears beginning to sting the back of her eyes. She had managed to do it again. She had frightened him away. She swore several times and just as she was about to let herself cry, a knock sounded at the door. Her ears perked. And she whipped her robes closed and tied it snugly as she raced to the door, stumbling over her rug, left foot, and a magazine stand as she did so.

Her face fell flat against the door after her foot connected with a wretched welcome mat her mother made her buy. She gave it a swift kick, missed, and hit the door instead. Suppressing a string of curses, she flung the door open.

It was Remus. His hands were clutched in from of him; his knuckles were white from the tightness of his other hand. He looked at her and then dropped his eyes down to his feet.

"May I come in?" he asked quietly.

Tonks smiled brightly. "Of course, Remus."

As he walked in, he paused slightly next to her, for a moment he looked as if he would faint but then quickly walked away from her. He took a seat on her couch and she closed the door and started to sit next to him but he quickly stood and moved away from her.

"Tonks," he stated plainly. "I want to explain… No, rather I would like to know… What happened? Why? Why me?"

Her heart fell for the umpteenth time and she looked at her hands. "Remus, you know I have been in love with your for a--"

"Love?" Remus said with a slight scoff. "Love? Love doesn't prey upon the weakness of the one they desire. You _knew_ what you were doing, Nymphadora. I thought I had killed you this morning, when I saw I hadn't, I left as quickly as I could. I paced and fretted and paced some more. I asked myself why you, of all people, would do what you did. Of all people, I never thought you would use my condition against me."

Tonks stood abruptly. "Against you? AGAINST YOU? I didn't use it against you. You just blame the stupid wolf for everything you do that has some sibilance of normal human behaviour! It's worse than a split personality Remus. The Wolf only has power over you _during _the full moon. NOt before, not after, but _during _the full moon. Get your werewolf facts straight before you go blaming it.

"You give the wolf power over you when you blame him for simple human, mortal, desires. If you drink too much you blame the wolf. If you feel desire you blame the wolf. What about Remus? What does Remus do? Does Remus do anything anymore? Doesn't Remus have feelings? Doesn't Remus want and need things?"

"Yes, I do, Nymphadora. But circumstances as they are, do not allow me the mortal pleasure of feeling them," his voice was surprisingly calm. "I do nothing. Remus is nothing more than the carrying case for a monster. He is not allowed to feel the things normal people do. And, even if I wasn't what I am Nymphadora, I would be nothing more than a poor, aging man. Granted if I was normal, I wouldn't be poor, or perhaps I would be."

Tonks made a face and sighed heavily. "What does it matter, Remus, I am going to be an Auror soon. I would be making enough to support us both; I'm not misogynistic enough to think that just because I'm the woman I can't earn the keep. I happen to be one of those girls that prefer an older man. Almost any relationship I have had the man has been _at least_ ten years old than me."

"I, however, feel it is my duty to provide for a family should I ever have one." Remus walked away again as she took steps toward him. "And I can hardly provide for myself, much less a family. And no matter what you say to counteract the way I see things, you will not be able to make me think differently. In my opinion, I am too old for you, too poor to provide for you. For anyone."

Tonks frowned slightly, she wanted him to not care about the things he was giving as excuses. He could try to mask his feelings behind frustration and his excuses, but she had felt them in his kiss the day before, and had definitely felt them the night before. No matter what he said, she _knew_ it had to have been Remus in some form or fashion that had filled her mind and soul so completely that she had cried tears of happiness when it was all done.

She opened her mouth to tell him and tried to move to wrap her arms around him, but he dodged away quickly.

"Why do you move away from me anytime I get closer?" Tonks asked quietly, taking a few more steps. This time, Remus held his ground as if trying to disprove her theory. But, she could see his nostrils flare slightly as she kept approaching. His eyes began to darken somewhat.

Without warning, Remus yanked her to him and sealed his mouth to hers. His mouth ravaged hers with the same intensity it had the night before, she felt her knees weaken just before he firmly held her in place against his chest. When his lips tore away, Tonks gasped for air and panted heavily against the lips that were not even an inch away from hers.

"_That_," Remus growled. "Is why I am staying away from you. Contrary to what you think The Wolf is not a figment of my imagination or a creation of my imagination. It is very real and very dangerous and very much wants you as his mate. And _that_ is why there can be no _us_. He is dangerous, he would hurt you."

Remus pulled away from her and kept his eyes locked with hers as he made a backwards retreat to the door and out of it. Once the door shut, Tonks blinked several times and then collapsed to the floor sobbing.

That afternoon, Remus left for Hogwarts. That afternoon, Tonks had barely passed her stealth testing, getting the lowest possible mark on it without failing. And it would be nearly two years before the two of them would see each other again.


End file.
